Living a life guided by purpose and compassion

Have you ever wondered ‘who am I and what is my purpose’?

There are many times in life when we can feel lost and disconnected or that we're living a life that just doesn't quite fit. If this is happening for you- offer yourself some kindness. This is hard and it will get better.

Our sense of self and purpose is often evolving and we can rewrite and realign with it as often as needed. This blog begins to unpack some of the simple ways we can reconnect with what matters and feel aligned with our inner strengths and purpose.

Purpose acts as both an anchor and a compass and helps us remain connected to ourselves, others and the world.

TL:DR

In my reflections and research, certain themes kept coming up in defining our sense of purpose:

1.       Connection to and helping others

2.       Ongoing learning and growth

3.       Guided by values and what matters

4.       Fueled by passion and what ‘lights us up’

5.       Overcoming meaningful challenges

6.       Utilizing and feeling appreciated for our strengths and gifts

7.       Contributing to something greater and has lasting impact

What gets in the way?

In my professional work, I’ve found that purpose can be temporarily misplaced (not lost) by ‘shoulds’, expectations, distractions and disconnection. As we grow in life, we receive messages defining who we are, how we should act, and what we should do. It’s informed by our family, our culture, and the world we live in. Growing up, I was told I was a ‘shy’ and ‘nice’ girl'. (I was actually a highly sensitive child that was often quietly observing things before participating and highly attuned to the feelings of others which meant I was processing a lot.) These simple adjectives defined me for a while- I was scared to raise my hand or present to the class, I was hesitant to try new things, and I had a hard time saying no or doing anything that might upset or hurt anyone else.  We all have stories that we carry with us that have been informed by others’ opinions and beliefs. Our job is to separate these messages from who we truly are and rediscover our own authentic selves.

Discovering YOUR why

Get to know yourself

Notice what excites and engages you. Take notice when you’ve lost track of time and felt connected to the present. These are often moments of ‘flow’. According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi[i], we engage in flow when our skills meet the challenges of the moment and this is where true happiness can be found.

Take stock of your personal strengths. Ask friends and family what they appreciate about you. Think about times in your life where you felt like you were contributing or making a difference. Consider taking a quiz, such as the VIA Strengths Questionnaire. (This is my favourite as it is empirically supported, which basically means it has been very carefully studied with thousands of people).

Live in alignment with your values. Our values reflect the things that are important to us, such as social justice, kindness, spirituality, health and wellness, curiosity, and honesty. I often come back to ‘values’ whenever my clients face uncertainty, indecision, fear or doubt. Fear keeps us safe, but it might interfere with growth, connection, creativity, success and many other values that matter too.

Find what truly matters

Jennifer Breheny Wallace, defines our ‘mattering core’ as feeling important, recognized, relied upon, cared for and understood. It’s a delicate balance of giving without overextending and feeling that this is valued and reciprocated.[ii]

Discovering (and rediscovering) what matters to us is connected to our understanding of ourselves. Remember those stories mentioned above that can cloud our perception of our true selves? We need to be able to approach those with curiosity and compassion. Even these stories had purpose- they may have helped protect us or help us survive tricky experiences. And we can reestablish a sense of safety in the present by releasing those past stories and re-writing a new story of who we are, who we want to be and what matters to us.

Our sense of mattering is also connected to others. Being seen, understood and valued is an important part of mattering and it may take time to find our people and communities that provide it to us. (And this can often be found in a counselling relationship as well).

Balance courage and comfort

We need moments of comfort to sustain us, but we need moments of courage to face our fears, survive stressful times, and overcome challenges. Mark Manson states, “True happiness occurs only when you find problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving”.[iii] While it would be nice to have a life without problems- to have a job or relationship that only brought joy and satisfaction- this is not realistic and ultimately will not likely give us a sense of purpose and meaning.

When we’re making choices of who and what we want to invest our energy in, it helps to consider not only the positives, but also the problems and challenges you’re willing to navigate. For example, having a dog offers you companionship, unconditional love, and incentive to get out for walks. However, it also comes with responsibility and care. My basset hound, Henry, is loving and sweet-natured. And he often brings ‘gifts’ in the form of dead animals from our field. (Gross to me, but manageable given all the other ways Henry contributes to our family). Problems don’t need to be avoided if they're worth it and are connected to something that matters to you.

Contribution, connection and compassion

The three big ‘C’s’ that kept coming up in my conversations and research on purpose and meaning are contribution, connection and compassion. So many people have talked about a desire to contribute to something greater. They want to make a positive impact in something they produce (e.g., art, technology, garden, community program or building) or in the way they influence or care for others. Sometimes we find this purpose in our work and sometimes we find it in our volunteering, families, friendships, or even in the simple but powerfully kind ways we interact with others. When we smile, offer a helping hand, or help clean up a local park or hiking trail, we’re not only contributing, but we’re also connecting with others and nature.

Finally, when we see the suffering of others (or in ourselves) and respond to it with kindness, care and compassion we make an immeasurable impact. Bill Burnett and Dave Evans in their book, ‘How to live a meaningful life’, discussed how the founder of humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow, discovered later in life that the ultimate and final act of fully actualizing is ‘transcendence’ where we offer others compassion and help them grow.[iv] Giving and receiving compassion gives purpose. Compassion helps us show others that they matter, and self-compassion does the same for ourselves.

Want help discovering what matters to you and where you can find joy, purpose and connection? *Contact me and/or the helping professional of your choice.

Follow me @compassionate_counsellor for more on meaning, purpose and mattering… and oodles of compassion and grace.

(This blog is for informational purposes only. It does not represent therapeutic advice.)

[i] Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience.

[ii] Wallace, Jennifer Breheny. (2026). Mattering: The secret to a life of deep connection and purpose.

[iii] Manson, Mark. (2016). The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A counterintuitive approach to living a good life.

[iv] Burnett, Bill & Evans, Dave. (2026). How to live a meaningful life: Using design thinking to unlock purpose, joy and flow every day.