Compassionate Declutter: From Mess to Meaning

Cleanse and organize your spaces with the comforting and courageous energy of compassion.

Imagine walking through your home and everywhere you look there is clutter; dishes, clothes, papers, tools, toys, and ‘stuff’ of all types. How would your body react to this? Would you shrug your shoulders and push things out of the way to clear a path? Messes do not bother everyone and, if this is you, then this blog might not be needed. On the other hand, if your body tenses up, your mind finds it hard to focus, or you feel overwhelmed, annoyed, or stressed out-- then your mood, mind and physical space are connected.

My experience

This year, my intention has been to move more gently, so I am a bit surprised that eight months into it (while life had been ‘lifing’), I have overhauled every closet, drawer, and room in my house. The key is I have been doing it slowly, intentionally, and compassionately.

Why? I learned that a “simple” (I am using air quotes in a very exaggerated way here) change to reduce stress, brain fog and enhance my creativity and self-connection was to reduce the ‘stuff’ in my house.[i] Less stuff means less to tidy and clean, and more time with the people and activities that matter. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I am particularly attuned to the spaces around me. Cluttered spaces equal a cluttered mind. To reduce overwhelm and overstimulation, I need my spaces (work and home) to be tidy, organized and filled with joyful colors and soft textures.

Compassionate declutter

Self-compassion involves both gentle, comforting energy and fierce, courageous energy.[ii]  When we decide to declutter our spaces, we need to move gently. If you try to tidy everything all at once, you will either get overwhelmed, shut down or (like me) just move stuff from one space to another without letting go of anything. Simplicity expert, Courtney Carver, explains that often it’s not our organization systems that fail, it’s that we have too much stuff to maintain any organization system.[iii] This is where courageous compassion is needed: we need to face the parts of ourselves and our experience that make it hard to let go and release the stuff around us.

Things that get in the way…

Have you faced a roadblock in your decluttering process? Or maybe you never got started and feel stuck. Part of compassionate decluttering is to recognize why it is so hard. What is getting in your way? Perhaps it needs a bit more care and attention. Take a quiet moment and reflect on this. Try writing it out or talking with someone you trust.

For many it can be a lack of time, direction, or resources. It is okay to need help in this process. In fact, having another person can help as they can bring objectivity when it comes to deciding what to keep or let go.

Many of the items we hold onto have sentimental value or attachments. They remind us of a special person, time, or event in our lives. I am having such a hard time reorganizing and releasing baby items and photos, so I am leaving these last.

Holding onto our stuff can be related to scarcity and ‘what ifs’ as well. I grew up in a low-income household, so we often did not have the 'stuff' we needed, so now I find it hard to let go of things 'just in case'.

Take time and space to acknowledge these barriers and what you need to work through them with care and compassion. It is not a race or a competition to declutter, and professional services can help in this process.*

Clutter or declutter?

Sometimes we need clutter- it can be part of a creative process for writing, designing, painting, DIY, fixing, repairing and the list goes on. If we are creating something or making a change to our space, it will likely involve making a mess. (More on this below). And some people feel more comfortable in ‘lived in’ spaces. The clutter feels comfortable, as it shows that there is life and living happening in the house. I remember visiting a great aunt’s house that had plastic on the furniture and breakable knick-knacks everywhere. As a kid, it felt suffocating and stifling to be in this space as I was not allowed to touch anything. Our living spaces are meant for living and as I talk about compassionate decluttering, I want you to find the level of clean, tidy, organized and clutter that resonates for you. You will know you have reached the right level based on how you ‘feel’ in your spaces. If your body is able to rest, relax and reset- then your space suits you. It does not need to look like the perfect images on social media.

Here is what I learned in the process of decluttering:

1.       Know your why.[iv] Before I started this process, I wrote out all the reasons why I wanted to declutter. For me, it has helped remove mess and create space for meaning.

2.       Allow for discomfort. Some people love decluttering, others do not. If this is hard for you, go slowly. I set a timer for 30 minutes at a time- sometimes I worked longer and sometimes I did not- and I followed my flow.

3.       Just start. One of the biggest barriers to creating change is where to start. In the end it, it really did not matter where I started, just that I did. I found it helpful to focus on the spaces I use most often, so I could get the satisfaction (and dopamine boost) of seeing and appreciating the better organized and utilized space. And this might sound a bit goofy, but I would often go back to the space I organized just to admire the change. 

4.       Accept the mess. The more I decluttered, the messier it got. Focusing on one space at a time helps rein this in; however, for some spaces (such as my basement), I had to accept that the chaos was a step towards clarity. And it was a reminder of how much stuff I actually had that I did not need. 

Before and after

5.       Make it fun or at least less unpleasant. Last year when I was researching how to have more fun, Mike Rucker, author of ‘The Fun Habit’, talked about ‘activity bundling’ whereby a tedious or difficult task is paired with something fun, such as folding laundry while watching a movie.[v]  While decluttering I listened to music and podcasts, danced and fueled myself with my favorite snacks and coffee. I also love watching the transformation of spaces on home renovation shows, so I did my own ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos. This increased my motivation and enjoyment.

6.       Take lots of breaks- big and small. I had one week booked off to tackle my basement, which ended up not being a wise choice. I was spending days going through items in a dark space and mid-week my mood had dropped, my migraines had intensified and I was doing the exact opposite of what I planned out. Instead of slowly going through bin by bin, I was working like a squirrel with bins of various types (seasonal decor, clothing, photo albums and academic papers) open and piles spread around me. The result no dopamine (no finished projects along the way) and little to no serotonin as I wasn’t creating enough space to get outside and do the things that bring joy. Now, I take little breaks by getting outdoors and moving my body, and larger breaks of not decluttering at all.

7.       Acknowledge when it is hard to let go. The process of ‘releasing’ items can hurt and it creates space for something new. (This is my dialectic for recognizing two opposite things can co-exist). Letting go of things that have sentimental value has been tricky for me, but easier to do once I was in the flow of donating and selling. I also found it helpful to pause and acknowledge what releasing the object meant for me as Marie Kondo suggests in her KonMari method.[vi] Each item in your space was a part of your past (even if you didn’t use it) and now you get to decide if it is a part of your present and the future you are moving towards.

Final Thoughts

Be gentle, work on one task or room at a time and balance out the work with time for the things and people that bring you joy. Hire a professional organizer if accessible, or get your friends and family on board, so you do not have to do it alone. And keep checking in with your why: your outer space matters for your inner wellbeing. 

*If you would like help with compassionately decluttering your inner and outer spaces, please contact me or the mental health professional of your choice. As always, this blog was written for informational purposes and does not represent therapeutic advice.

[i] Carver, C. (2025). Gentle: Rest more, stress less, and live the life you actually want. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group.

[ii] Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

[iii] Carver, C. (2025). Gentle: Rest more, stress less, and live the life you actually want. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group.

[iv] Carver, C. (2025). Gentle: Rest more, stress less, and live the life you actually want. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group.

[v] Rucker, M. (2023). The fun habit: How the pursuit of joy and wonder can change your life. New York, NY: First Atria.

[vi] Kondo, M. (2016). Spark Joy: An illustrated master class on the art of organizing and tidying up. Ten Speed Press.